Part I. "It makes me sick to see you pregnant, your belly sticking out like that, with another man's baby." These words shot out of my husband's mouth like hollow point bullets, mortally wounding the hope in my young, naive heart. The low-pitched disgust in his voice struck fear into my soul. This was the same man who promised to care for me and the child I had conceived after being raped by a stranger at the age of 21. Now, my protector couldn't stand the sight of me, let alone stand up for me against a world that held me in contempt for my pro-life decision. What was I going to do? I had only been married four months, and already, we had grown apart. Was this for better or worse? Maybe the people who advised me not to marry this man had been right. Would I ever be able to earn his acceptance and approval? What would happen when the baby came? Questions about the future ricocheted in my mind.
My love for my unborn child was not compromised by the circumstances of her conception. Sitting on the edge of a table in the cold emergency room ten days after the rape, where I was being seen for abdominal pain, I quietly told medical staff about the incident. A pregnancy test came back positive; the printed paper results rustling in the hands of a doctor, who with two nurses assured me they could give me a pill that would "take care of the problem." Shaking my head no, I replied, "I don't want a pill that will kill the baby." An acquaintance who had driven me to the ER said with an air of finality, "Don't worry about it; I have money. I'll pay for you to get an abortion." My answer was loud and clear: "I will not kill my baby."
Psalm 139:13 - For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast protected me from my mother's womb.
Seven years earlier, at the age of 14, I had viewed the famous pro-life "Silent Scream" video at a presentation by the Knights of Columbus in my hometown parish. The image of an unborn baby struggling for its life never left my mind or heart. Even before that, in elementary school, the good Sisters of St. Joseph had us recite the end the Pledge of Allegiance with these added words, "with liberty and justice for all, born and unborn." This early, solid foundation of respect for the dignity of human life payed out huge dividends once the tragedy of my rape came to fruition. Thanks be to God for my Catholic faith, which has a virgin Mother saying, "Be it done to me according to thy word." Although I am nowhere near the sanctity of Our Most Holy Mother Mary, I completely trust her. I adore her, I adulate her, and I reach towards her open arms in all my troubles. I always have. For these reasons, today I am able to say to my firstborn child, "I have always loved you! From the first moment I learned that you were in my womb, I have loved you!"
Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm writing to share with you my story of survival, imprisonment, escape, and new life. The purpose of my telling is to show forth the Glory of God in all things; sufferings, joys, trials, and blessings alike. I hope through this blog you will find within your own life the Hand of God always upon you as He has been in mine, and give praise to Him Who brings good out of evil, turns night into day, raises the dead to new life, and Loves us all Truly. God Bless you!
No comments:
Post a Comment